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Pink Clouds

Always Beginning Again - My Story

From a young age, I was introduced to a way of thinking most people did not grow up around. Not only was I raised in a Non Denominational Church, but in seminars about spirituality and personal growth. At age 6 I was in children groups talking about the philosophy, "To think is to create", and manifesting your reality with positive thoughts. At age 11, I attended a camp in Northern California where I practiced meditation, trust exercises, and jumped off of a 50 foot telephone pole to "prove" something to myself. It's safe to say that at this point of my life, while I'm still constantly discovering the motions of life, I will always be thankful for those influences because it's truly brought me right here....right now.

As I continued to get older and led myself from high school, to the real world, it was never smooth sailing.(It never really is, lets be honest.) It's an age where all you want to do is discover new things and make all the mistakes, and I did that...a million times over. But in all of the mistakes there was so much beauty. Every single season of my life was special and had it's up's and down's, but I noticed the pattern. That's the most important part, I think. To live and breathe with no regrets, be smart who you hang around, take risks, grow, and fall and cry! It's all here for a reason and so are you and I.

When I ventured off to find myself and more, I ended up in Colorado. Being in the city and being so close to mountains, to freshness and silence all sounded perfect. I arrived with a packed car and no bed... in a room I was renting with 3 roommates. I got a great job in a matter of weeks, met the guy that would end up putting me through the absolute wringer (and teaching me loads about what I needed in the process), and my life continued to flow. Flow for me then, meant to say yes and listen to the rebellious sounding voice in my head saying, "You never know...this could be it...". No matter how bad things got with my relationship, I knew that it was all leading me somewhere different. But damn... Did it have to take so long? Fast forward after four years of emotional and mental abuse, I broke away from the toxicity that wasn't serving me, in search of more.. We're always searching for more, aren't we? Moving back to Dallas is my favorite comeback story! I literally went from feeling trapped in a world that wasn't mine, going back and forth trying to decide what was the sensible thing to do, all while I was trying to be true to myself. My sense of self was completely diminished during my time there, and that's not to say there wasn't good moments. There were SO MANY good moments. Dallas had my soul wrapped around it's fingers though, even after all those years. Coming back was the best decision for myself, after years of not thinking about myself at all.

Six short months after coming home, I was off to Thailand for a trip of a lifetime with my mom! So many things happened during my time there that completely shifted my mental state back into what I was familiar with...myself. I'd been so far gone for SO long, and I didn't even realize to what extent. From the food to the culture, I was completely mesmerized. We backpacked through the jungles in Chiang Rai, helped the Lahu tribe build a road and taught English - saw more Temples then I can count on two hands - took a 15 mile bike ride around the ancient city of Ayutthaya (the old capital of Thailand) - worked with the Elephants in Chiang Mai, and discovered the true meaning of happiness. It's not about what you have... it's about having gratitude for what and who you have, that matters.

Being somewhere as magical as Thailand for a month will do something to'll shape the way you perceive every moment, it'll make you dare to challenge yourself and count every moment as a blessing, it'll make you wonder how you went so long being detached from this part of yourself, and when you least expect it, you might meet someone who will change your life completely. One evening in northern Thailand, in a bar with four people having the best time, I met the "man of my dreams". I was certain that I would never see him again, yet he hopped on a plane a week later to Dallas to see what this was all about. What ever is meant for you, will find it's way to you, and if it's meant to stay, it will. Sometimes the most beautiful things have endings too...and that's okay because it's all apart of this journey.

After being home for a little over two years now I've managed to grow in ways that I genuinely could not have imagined. Some would argue that being in a long distance relationship for awhile had a lot to do with shaping this perception, but when that began I took it as an opportunity to work on my growth, and that's exactly what I've done. Regardless of where the relationship ended up, I knew the most important thing was myself, and my personal growth and alignment. My career is more solid then it's ever been , I have the best group of friends around me who constantly lift me up, I live in a beautiful home in the most amazing city, with the best pup I could ever ask for...I truly can't complain. It all goes back to the work....the work my subconscious was doing when I was little, that "To Think is to Create," mentality that's instilled in me, the work I'm constantly doing now, what I'm reading, and what I want to manifest into my life.

Every single moment you have in your life can be used to either grow, or stay stagnant. We are always given a choice. Everyone goes through the really tough shit that you think you'll never get past, and we always make it through. For me, it's about treasuring that sense of connectedness in every experience, every place I've been, and the people I've met. What is this life without experiences? We all harness a very true power that can shape our destiny if we allow it to. It's terrifying, but isn't it worth it?

Life moves so fast y'all...don't miss out on the things that are important to you, and sometimes those things will change too. What's something that you were taught growing up that you've carried into your adult life? How has it shaped your perception on growth? I really want to hear from you, so leave a comment below! Thanks for reading 💗

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